The Friend Purge: when to make the cut?

20 Dec

Although it’s not the most uplifting topic to start off a new blog, but I’ve had a “bad week in friends” and wanted to write my thoughts down to get this off my chest.

I’m sure quite a few of us have been here before – you have one or two “friends” that you’ve been buds with forever, but you realize that you don’t actually like them. You know the type–that “friend” of yours who always bails on plans, the one who gives backhanded compliments, the one who claims to be your friend but is actually never there for you when you need them the most?

I’m not sure if it’s the cold weather that’s making me take a clear, hard look at who my true friends are, but this week I’ve experienced four different letdowns from my so-called “friends.” Now, granted, these people aren’t my best friends whom I see regularly. These are people I’ve known for years, through soccer, work, high school and so on. I’ve always liked to make an effort to see these people often to keep up our friendship, but lately I’ve noticed it’s not worth the effort.

I don’t want to call anyone out (in case they happen to read this and get offended), but to sum it up, this is what happened this week:

1) My oldest friend from high school (who I’m friends with on FB, BBM, and we play in a soccer league together), has not invited me to her February wedding

2) My other friend (who I have driven everywhere in the last few years since she doesn’t have drive), left me alone at a GO station at 1am while her BF picked her up and drove her home (10 minutes from where I live), without offering a ride.

Overall, pretty bad week! At this point, I think I just need to stand up for myself. I hate confrontations and love everyone to get along, so often times I will let things slide. But I think that certain people’s behaviour this week has been quite unacceptable.

As my wonderful friend G points out: “it’s really hard to tell the difference between a real friend, and someone you have good times with.” A real, good friend is ALWAYS there for you, no matter what. They won’t stand you up without an explanation, or not offer common courtesies to you, or make you feel guilty about anything. Too often I get the two confused–I excuse shitty behaviour with the the reasoning that “oh but when we go out, we have such a good time.”

My best gals

My bottom line is, I’m done with fairweather friends. I’ve put up with it for awhile, but truthfully I don’t think anyone should have to settle for less than great. If it means having a small group of friends you can actually count on, that’s more valuable and important than having a bunch of people around who you can’t rely on.

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One Response to “The Friend Purge: when to make the cut?”

  1. Sarah December 23, 2010 at 1:05 am #

    GIRL- You got it going on. I totally know where you are coming from. realizing who your friends really are- it kind of sucks… but its kind of a relief at the same time.

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