You Always Want What You Can’t Have…

11 Aug

Why is it that we always want what/who we can’t have? It’s a little bit like the chicken or the egg dilemma – are we attracted to people because they’re so unavailable and they become a challenge and conquest? Or are we just attracted to the wrong people?

For example, last weekend my friend and I met a couple guys who were nice enough, but we weren’t interested in anything other than friendship. They asked for our numbers and mentioned they would like to hang out next week. Sure, whatever. The next day, I ended up chatting to this guy I’ve had a crush on for a few months now, and we ended up hanging out at his place and watched TV. Nothing happened, but just being able to hang out with him was awesome and I was so excited when he texted the next day and said he had a good time. Fast forward to two days later on Tuesday. Who do you think messaged me? Guy I’ve secretly loved for months, or random guy I couldn’t really care less about? If you guessed number 2, you are bang on. Random guy asks me out to dinner and proceeds to send 3 follow up texts before I got the chance to write back. Fast forward to two weeks after that weekend, and still no word from secret crush. SO annoying!

I admit, I have zero game, and I’m the worst when it comes to dating/flirting, whatever. I hate that gameplay is involved, I just want to be myself. None of this “oh I texted last, so he should respond next” bullshit – I hate that I need to make a conscious effort to play it cool. If you’re interested in someone, what’s the harm in being honest? Like yeah – I want to hang out again, but I don’t want to wait three days before I feel it’s appropriate to respond. On the flip side, I admit I’m turned off when people are too eager. It can’t be too easy, it’s unappealing when someone makes themselves available to you at the drop of a hat and will cancel plans to hang out with you . I get it – people love the thrill of the chase, we like a challenge, it makes the ‘prize’ that much more valuable. My question is – how do people ever get to be in relationships? Is it just a matter of one person caving in and admitting their true feelings? How long should one keep up their game playing?

This problem doesn’t just happen with girls either. My best friend Matt is fairly good looking, and he gets quite a bit of “action” across the pond where he lives in London. Despite his promiscuous lifestyle, he is pining for this girl who is smart, pretty, and sweet, but who keeps brushing him off. He can’t stop thinking about her, and continually messages me sad little statements like “She’s perfect. I love her. Why won’t she message me back?” I wonder if he truly is smitten with her because she’s great, or because she’s unattainable and that makes it into a challenge for him?

I’m starting to feel that way about my crush now. While yes, I am attracted to him and really hope things work out, it’s also become kind of a conquest, where if I ever got to kiss him or go on a date, I would feel like I’ve won something or accomplished something, as bad as that sounds.


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