Not sure I like what’s in the POF sea

24 Aug

I have a bit of a ridiculous story. A couple months ago, I met my (physically) perfect dream man (I will call him HBC) at an event. I thought to myself, “wow, his wife/gf must be a supermodel or something, and she is SO lucky to be with him.” Obviously I have no idea what he’s actually like, for all I know he could have a terrible personality and a fetish for cats, but it was definitely lust at first sight. I am by nature, obsessive, and I thought about him for a solid week after our encounter, wistfully sighing about how such a perfect man exists yet is so unattainable. It’s like meeting a celebrity you love – you get close enough for a few minutes, but know that the reality is you won’t see them again or be part of their lives (okay as I type this I sound super creepy).

Anyways, a couple weeks ago, my co-worker comes up to me and starts making small talk about this guy she’s been talking to. Something she said rang a bell and I was like “whoa, whoa. Are you talking about HBC?!” And I showed her his picture on Twitter, she said yes. I immediately wanted to know how she knew him. Not to be mean, but she is not exactly attractive, nor does she have a good personality. She then tells me she met him on POF (plenty of fish, the dating site that’s been around for ages and known to be purely for seedy hookups). I was floored. FLOORED. To think that:

1) My perfect man is AVAILABLE and LOOKING

2) That he has chosen POF as his dating site of choice

3) Of all people, he contacted my less than ideal co-worker.

I was sent into a tailspin of even more obsession – it was like learning the new Marc Jacobs bag is available at Winners for $80 and my unfashionable friend picked it up by accident. (note: yes, I realize how shallow this makes me). I wracked my brain of what to do – I felt like I had been given a golden opportunity. One of my many problems with dating and flirting and relationships is WHERE to start off. I am boy crazy and constantly see attractive men on my way to work, in my condo, at the gym, the list goes on. The problem is – how the heck do I know if they’re 1) single 2) looking for a date 3) attracted to me? Then I choke because I get so consumed with the possibility of rejection, I just couldn’t handle it if I went up to a stranger and asked him out and he was like “um NO I have a GF.” In this situation, I know that at least 2 out of 3 questions have been answered, which I can honestly say I’ve never had before (the confirmation that a guy is single and actively looking for a relationship).

His profile was awful though – while he has an awesome job and physically beautiful, he is divorced, has children (plural!), doesn’t drink, and is looking for a girl who doesn’t drink. While I don’t get wasted, I definitely enjoy my wine and Caesars. Basically, all of these items are major dealbreakers in my mind. Yet, I can’t get over how good looking he is! I decided to take a drastic action and create a POF profile and message him.

Now, I admit, I’m breaking my own rule of hating game play. But in this case I felt I had to be a bit deceptive. I approached it as though I’d just happened along his profile – oh hey, fancy seeing you on here kind of message. He responded, I couldn’t tell if it was good or bad (he said he liked my picture, asked how I was, pretty PG though), so upon taking my friend’s advice (she is an online dating pro), I responded and asked if he would maybe like to go for coffee sometime.

To my absolute delight, he replied “for sure I would.” and asked what my schedule was like. I replied and mentioned that I worked close to where he works, and he said “great, we could maybe go for lunch, what do you think?” I thought – hells yes, even better (lunch seems like more of a “date” than coffee, no?) I said great, what day were you thinking, and told him I was actually going on vacation until the following week. He said that he was also on vacation, and to let him know when I was back – next week sometime. I was full of butterflies and sunshine at this – finally, a bold move has paid off! I began to channel my energy into stressing about what to eat, wear, and say to him, but was obviously giddy with the whole event.

Then, I returned from vacation, send him a message “hey, back in town. Still up for lunch? I’m free x day, x day, x day, let me know what works for you.” He wrote back a less than ideal message, basically saying that he was still up for lunch but his week is kind of nuts, he mentioned that one day is full of meetings and the other he took off to be with his daughter (ugh). That’s it. Not call to action, no “this week is busy, but how’s next Monday? Kind of thing. I was pretty disappointed when I read this. Similar to my previous post about Boston boy, what is with the initial interest and then let down? Were both of these guys just never interested in the first place, sensed my attraction to them, and then decided to let me down gently by basically fading away and never commiting to hanging out? What the fuck – I am a grown woman and can handle the truth. Had this babe not been interested, he could of 1) never written back 2) written back but be super casual about it 3) Not agreed to coffee 4) Not SUGGESTED lunch.

I get that guys are busy, and maybe this guy actually is. Fine. My problem is, don’t say one thing and get me all excited, and then bail. It’s just such a disappointment. And yeah, maybe he is just being a dumb clueless guy, but please, make an effort! I went from feeling like 100 out of 10 to feeling like a 1.

I’m still crossing my fingers and hoping he’ll send a casual message next week being like “hey, how’s this day for you?” but given that he hasn’t responded to my last message (sure, no problem, let me know what day works for you next week), things are not looking good. Yet another colossal disappointment 😦

Oh, I should also mention how I’ve been getting tons of POF messages from guys, but have ignored every single one except for his. So yes, there are plenty of fish in the sea, but not the one I want.


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