What is with the lead-on?!

29 Oct

After scanning my most recent posts on here, it appears that an unnerving trend is happening – I like a guy, somehow get encouraged by his actions, and then he drops off the face of the planet. I get it – I must be the common denominator, right? Perhaps I’m in denial, but I would argue that I’m a pretty cautious person when it comes to matters of the heart. I’m not quick to assume things “he TOTALLY is in to me” but I must admit I put a lot of weight into words when apparently I shouldn’t.

My last POF opportunity (HBC) crashed and burned, so I though I’d take it more seriously this time around, and actually put in effort. I chatted to a few guys, was still hesitant about meeting up, but liked the attention. One night, I was stuck at the office working late, and got a message from a cute guy (let’s call him “N”). He wasn’t my typical type by any means, he seemed skinny, kinda nerdy, and not athletic, but something in his messages stood out to me and I found myself wanting to learn more about him. We made a date to meet up that Monday after work, and after spending a solid hour freaking out inwardly, I met up with him and it was surprisingly good. We started with coffee, progressed onto dinner, and ended up closing the restaurant and having a six hour date. He texted me to make sure I got home okay, said he had a great time, etc., and I was proud of myself for getting out there. We then made plans for a second date that Saturday (which was the Thanksgiving long weekend), and we went for drinks at a pub. Again, the date went on for about 4 hours, but still no kiss, and we left with him saying to text him when I was back in the city. I ended up texting him about a movie (inside joke) but it kind of died off from there. I tried to text again on Thursday asking what his plans were and if he wanted to go for drinks that weekend, he said he had plans Fri/Sat, but could possibly do Sunday. I replied “sounds great, what did you have in mind?” and still have not heard back (it’s been like 3 weeks). So frustrating!
Still, I wasn’t quite discouraged from POF, so I went back online and randomly found a guy who I had gone to school with. He was a couple years older and I definitely had a crush on him back in the day, but never once spoke to him. I decided to message him, and he said I was the first interesting person who messaged him, so I asked him if he wanted to grab a drink sometime. We ended up texting back and forth, and eventually ended up meeting for lunch last week. He was just as cute as I’d remembered, has a good job, seems chivalrous and fun to hang out with, and even mentioned that he’d try to come to my Halloween party (which I had casually mentioned when talking about plans for Halloween). Honestly I was surprised he said he was going to try to come, and he even asked about security and how to get into the building, and if I’d have my phone on me. However, he didn’t show up, and hasn’t texted me – wtf. I fully get that he may have met up with me out of curiousity or something, like “oh this girl had a crush on me back in school” but why talk about trying to come to my party when you had no intention of coming? And if something came up, he could’ve at least been like “sorry, not going to be able to make it.” So am I to take his lack of messaging to mean he’s not interested? One of my friend’s always thinks we should make the move “did you make it obvious you were attracted to him? Text him anyways, what do you have to lose?” But at this point, I’m sick of having to be the one to call the shots and wait for them to make a decision. I’m sorry, but I have to believe that if a guy is interested, he will make a point to get in touch and secure a second date. I totally understand that women have power blah blah and I would have no problem asking him out if I knew he was interested, but at this early point on, I guess I have to take a hint. It’s disappointing, because again, I feel like I trusted his words and let myself believe that he was intending to come to my party, as in, he’s interested in seeing me again. Also, was I *that* bad on our date to not warrant a second chance?! Jesus. I guess I need to stop thinking ANYTHING until a guy has kissed me – that’s when I’ll know he’s at least semi interested.

UPDATE: High School crush texted me a week after our date – yup, exactly a week later asking how my party was and saying that he was super lame all weekend. Still didn’t ask me out on a second date, but I figured he was semi interested if he texted me a week after, so I continued to hang onto the thread of desperation. One Saturday about a month ago, I texted him asking if he was downtown, he said he was with his boys (I was with my girls), he said we should message throughout the night and stay in touch and possibly meet up. He texted every half hour or so asking how it was going, said he was trying to move his group closer to me, asking what I was wearing, etc. I said I was heading home around 2, asked him how his night was, he responded and said it was random and that they are in the west end. I didn’t respond (what would I even say?!) and have not heard from him since (it’s been a month). My only saving grace is that I never was the first to text (aside from that one last shot Saturday night effort, which, may I point out, he was the one who seemed keen, I fully expected him to not write back, or say something like yeah I have plans). So I get the lead on, again!!!


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